"Alright, you go in as a clown, I'll come in as a guest." "A guest? How am I supposed to blend in with the other moms?" "You can be a hipster mom, they're everywhere. You get to wear skinny jeans and a fedora." "I don't own a fedora." "Fine, forget the fedora. You can be a soccer mom. They all look the same to me." "And what's my cover story?" "You're there with your kid, who unfortunately had a last-minute stomach flu and couldn't make it." "And what's with the clown?" "I get to wear a wig and oversized shoes. No one ever looks twice at a clown." "What about the presents? How are we getting those out?" "Well, that's the beauty of it. I pack them into the oversized shoes." "That's disgusting. What if someone asks to see my feet?" "You tell them you have athlete's foot. No one's going to want to see your feet after that." "Bill, sometimes I don't know how we've made it this far." "It's because I'm a genius." "No, it's because we're desperate."