“So just to be clear, Molly, we’re talking about actual children’s presents?” “What else would we be talking about, Bill? Is there some other kind of present I should know about that usually comes with a clown and a bouncy castle?” “Right, right. No, just… seems a bit… ungentlemanly, doesn’t it? Pinching a load of Peppa Pig playsets from screaming toddlers?” “Oh, suddenly you’re a gentleman, Bill? Last week you were ‘liberating’ a limited-edition garden gnome collection from Mrs. Henderson’s prize-winning petunias. I seem to recall a certain lack of gentlemanly conduct then.” “That was a matter of principle! The gnomes were clearly under-appreciated. And besides, Mrs. Henderson had been giving me the evil eye about my overflowing recycling bin. This is different. These are kids. Cute, sticky-fingered kids.” “Exactly, Bill. Sticky fingers. Which means they’ll be too busy smearing birthday cake on everything to notice two highly trained professionals elegantly extracting their ill-gotten gains.” “Ill-gotten? They’re *birthday* presents, Molly. They’re rightfully theirs.” “Temporarily rightfully theirs. We’re simply expediting their journey towards a more discerning owner. Think of it as a… present re-distribution program.” “A re-distribution program that involves tiptoeing around a room full of sugar-crazed human confetti cannons and a man dressed as a terrifyingly cheerful dinosaur mascot?” “The dinosaur is an occupational hazard, Bill. We’ll navigate it. We always do.” “Last time we had to navigate a particularly aggressive poodle called Fluffy. This is a dinosaur, Molly. A potentially very strong, very happy dinosaur.” “Focus, Bill. The plan for the presents. The drop-off point is still your aunt’s garage, correct?” “Yes, but she’s expecting a delivery of… exotic pet food. Not 40 Barbie Dreamhouses.” “Then we’ll re-label them, Bill. We’re resourceful, remember? Think ‘rare antique doll collection.’ Or ‘highly valuable collectible action figures.’ Whatever floats your aunt’s particularly suspicious boat.” “She’s got a very strong sense of smell, Molly. She’ll know if it’s plastic fantastic instead of freeze-dried crickets.” “Keep them in the boxes, Bill! The more layers of cardboard between her nostrils and the scent of newly manufactured synthetic polymers, the better. Now, the main event: the distractions. You’re on bouncy castle duty, correct?” “Bouncy castle duty? What even *is* bouncy castle duty?” “You cause a controlled amount of chaos. Maybe a minor structural integrity issue. Nothing that can’t be fixed with a bit of duct tape and a sincere apology later. Just enough to draw attention away from the present table.” “So I’m… deflating the bouncy castle? Amongst dozens of screaming children? This is an actual professional heist, Molly, not a particularly messy playground incident.” “It’s a children’s party heist, Bill. We adjust our tactics to fit the environment. And besides, I’m the one who’s going to be gracefully sliding under the table, selecting the highest value items while avoiding errant sprinkles and discarded party hats. You’ve got the comparatively easy job.” “Easy job? I’m going to be branded the bouncy castle saboteur! My reputation, Molly! What about my reputation as a discreet, almost invisible, purveyor of… re-distributed goods?” “Your reputation, Bill, will be just fine once we’ve pawned off those limited edition Lego sets. Now, uniform. We’re going with the parent-chic look. You’ve got your sensible dad trainers ready?” “I have… *trainers*, Molly. I don’t know about ‘sensible dad’ ones.” “They’ll do. And try to look a bit preoccupied. As if you’re constantly wondering where your imaginary offspring has wandered off to.” “Molly, I’m not sure I can pull off ‘preoccupied dad’ while simultaneously orchestrating a bouncy castle incident.” “You’ve pulled off worse, Bill. Much worse. Now, one last check. You remembered the industrial-strength bin liners, right?” “For the presents, yes. And a separate, smaller one for the inevitable sticky residue from the cake. Don’t want to cross-contaminate our inventory.” “Excellent, Bill. See? You’re practically born for this. Operation ‘Birthday Bash Smash and Grab’ is a go.”