"Check your six, Bill. We’ve got a bogey at three o’clock." "That’s a golden retriever, Molly. He’s sniffing a hydrangea." "He’s a scout, Bill. They use them for perimeter defense. Now, stay low. If the bouncy castle shifts even an inch, we lose our cover." "I am currently face-down in a bed of mulch that smells like fermented hamster bedding. How much lower do you want me to go?" "Hush. We are here for the loot. Look at that haul. The mountain of primary colors. The crinkle of high-end wrapping paper. It’s glorious." "It’s a five-year-old’s birthday, Molly. We are literally stealing Lego sets and probably a few rogue jars of slime." "Lego has a fantastic resale value, Bill! Do you know what a mint-condition Star Wars Ultimate Collector Series Millenium Falcon goes for on the black market?" "There is no way a kid named Tyler has an UCS Falcon at his 'Spiderman and Friends' garden party." "Don’t underestimate Tyler. His dad is a hedge fund manager. That stack of boxes is worth more than our last three jewelry heists combined, and it’s guarded by nothing but a clown named Sparkles who looks like he’s having a mid-life crisis." "Sparkles has a balloon pump, Molly. Those things can be pressurized." "Are you afraid of a man in size twenty-four shoes?" "I’m afraid of the legal ramifications of being tackled by a man in size twenty-four shoes. The headlines alone would kill me." "Focus. The cake is coming out. This is the diversion we discussed. When they start the off-key rendition of 'Happy Birthday,' we move. I take the north flank behind the sandbox. You crawl through the tunnel of the play-fort." "The tunnel is plastic, Molly. I’m six-foot-two. I’ll get wedged in there like a cork in a bottle." "Then use the slide as a tactical ramp! Honestly, Bill, where is your sense of adventure?" "It’s buried under the realization that I’m wearing a tactical turtleneck to steal a Paw Patrol Lookout Tower." "Shut up, they’re lighting the candles. Look at the distraction. The mother is crying, the father is trying to find a lighter, and Sparkles is making a poodle out of a 260Q balloon. Go, go, go!" "My knees are clicking! Does everyone hear that? It sounds like a bag of marbles!" "It’s drowned out by the screaming, Bill! Children are nature’s white noise. Grab the big box with the silver bow. That’s the high-value target." "I’ve got it. It’s heavy. Is this a rock? Did someone give this kid a boulder?" "It’s probably a professional-grade telescope. Or a solid gold tricycle. Don't drop it!" "Molly, wait. There's a label. It says 'To Tyler, love Grandma.'" "A grandmother’s love is priceless, Bill. Now get to the getaway van before the toddler juice-boxes kick in and they become a mindless horde." "If we get caught, I’m telling the cops you’re my therapist and this is an extreme form of exposure therapy." "Just run, you idiot! The clown is looking right at us!"