“Right, Bill, focus. The primary objective is the presents. Not the cake, not the bouncy castle, the presents.” Molly adjusted the ridiculously large bowtie on her oversized, purple clown costume. The polka dots felt like a personal insult. Bill, struggling with the zipper on a neon-green alligator onesie, wheezed. “I am focused, Molly. My focus is on the fact that I can’t breathe and this polyester is giving me a rash. Are you sure we can’t just go in as regular people? Like, concerned parents?” “Bill, look at us. Do either of us look like we’ve ever been concerned about a child in our lives? No. We blend in as chaos. I am Giggles the Clown. You are… what are you, again?” “Alvin the Happy Alligator,” Bill mumbled, finally getting the zipper up. “Happy. Right. My spirits are soaring. So, what’s the play? Do I just… eat the presents?” “No, Bill, you do not eat the presents. You’re the distraction. You’re going to start a conga line.” “A conga line? At a five-year-old’s birthday party? They don’t know what a conga line is!” “Exactly! It will be baffling! They’ll all stare at you, the weird, gyrating alligator, while I, Giggles, sidle over to the gift table. I’ll use my ‘magic hanky’.” “The one you used to wipe mustard off the dash?” “It’s a prop, Bill! It’s about theatricality! I’ll ‘accidentally’ drop it over the pile of presents, scoop the whole lot up, and shuffle them into the van.” “The van that says ‘Balloon Bonanza’ on the side?” “It’s camouflage! No one suspects a balloon van. Now, the key is the piñata. The minute that thing breaks, it’s game on. That’s the peak of the pandemonium. Kids will be screaming, diving for cheap sweets, parents will be trying to stop them from eating dirt. That’s our window.” “Okay, okay, I got it. Conga line, piñata, present scoop. But what about the big one in the corner? The one with the spaceship wrapping paper. That’s got to be the main prize.” “Forget the big one, Bill. It’s too conspicuous. We go for volume. A lot of small, medium-sized gifts. Easier to carry, less likely to be missed immediately. We want to get in, get out, and get home before we’re covered in glitter and regret.” “Fine. Volume over the spaceship. But when this is over, I’m keeping the alligator head. It might be good for scaring off door-to-door salesmen.” “Deal. Now, put on your happy face, Alvin. We’re about to make some very small children’s days significantly worse.”