"Listen to me closely, Bill. We are infiltrating a fortress of solitude that happens to be decorated with pink balloons and enthusiastically asking for diapers. We are professional criminals. We do not wear clown shoes." Bill was picking his teeth with a stray blade of grass. "It’s a fortress of sticky, sugary entropy. The enemy is fluffy." "The enemy is the nine-year-old birthday boy. He’s the lieutenant, the general, the guy with a three-legged dash of pure terror. We need a distraction." "I have a plan. We go in as the ice cream man." "The ice cream man who has nothing to sell but a vision." "And a bike that plays 'Turkey in the Straw'." "I love that bike." "It’s perfect. Except we have to interact with the youngins. Their demands for free samples make me sweat." "Then you sit on the bike and play the music. I’ll be the ice cream scooper. Or the broker." "I’ll be the shadowy figure in the truck cab. I’ll look over the wheel at all times." "We can’t be ice cream men, Bill. We’re too old. We stick out. We look like associates of the FBI from 1974." "What if we dress as balloons?" "We can’t be balloons." "Why not? Just tape yourself to the ceiling and float down when I yell 'EXPLOSION!'" "We are not being party decorations, Bill. We are stealth operatives. We are going as the ghosts of Christmas past. White sheets, no faces, maximum sneaking." "And the loot? What’s the extraction point?" "The wind chime." "The chime is loud. It’s a death trap." "It’s our landing zone. We steal the Gifts of Greatness, shimmy the cords, and drop like spiders." "I hate climbing." "Nobody cares what you hate, Bill. You signed the waiver when you stole that stapler from the office supply store three years ago. We move at midnight. Midnight, Bill. That is when the spirits are weak." "I just hope there’s alcohol involved." "There is no alcohol. There is a bouncy castle. Please tell me you know how to use a bouncy castle as a shield." "I’ve seen kids do cartwheels on them for twenty minutes without taking a breath. I’m covered." "Good. Then I’ll get the champagne."