“Okay, focus, Bill. The primary target is the gift table in the living room. It’s a mountain of potential. We hit it fast, we hit it hard.” “Fast? Molly, there are at least a dozen seven-year-olds in there. They’re like tiny, sticky landmines. One of them is going to ask me why I’m taking their new race car.” “Simple. You tell them you’re Santa’s advance scout. You’re checking for naughtiness. It’s unimpeachable logic.” “And when they scream?” “You distract them. I saw a piñata. Stage a dramatic reenactment of your last failed relationship. The tears will be a smokescreen.” “Fine. But what about the parents?” “Parents are easy. They’re all on their phones, living vicariously through a friend’s vacation photos. They won’t see a thing. Now, grab the oversized sack and try to look jolly, not like a felon.”