Bill adjusted the oversized foam noodle strapped to his head, its bright purple tip flapping in the breeze. “I look like a rejected Muppet.” “You look like a parent,” Molly hissed, peering through a pair of binoculars disguised as a pair of plastic, candy-shaped glasses. “That’s the point. Infiltration is all about blending in. Now, walk with more of a defeated shuffle. You just lost a game of musical chairs, remember? Your spirit is broken.” “Right. Defeated shuffle.” Bill slumped his shoulders. “Is the target area secure?” “Affirmative. The gift table is by the bouncy castle, a tactical nightmare. Too much chaotic energy, too much potential for a friendly tackle. The presents are, however, completely unguarded. The parents are all huddled by the punch bowl, drinking their feelings.” “Excellent. What’s the extraction plan? We can’t just walk out with a sack full of wrapped goods. We’ll look like we’re stealing all the presents.” “We are stealing all the presents, Bill,” Molly said patiently. “Hence the distraction. You see that giant, anthropomorphic piñata hanging from the tree?” “The one wearing a sombrero?” “That’s the one. At exactly three o’clock, you will ‘accidentally’ untie its rope. A shower of candy and cheap plastic toys will create the perfect diversion. While the children descend into a sugar-fueled frenzy, I’ll sweep the table.” “Okay, but how do we get the presents to the van? They’ll be on us in seconds.” “We don’t,” Molly said, a smug grin spreading across her face. “We re-gift them. There’s a birthday party for a kid named Kevin three blocks over. We’re going to drop these presents off there.” Bill stared at her, the foam noodle drooping over one eye. “So we’re stealing from one child’s party to give to another child’s party? That’s not a heist, Molly. That’s a logistical nightmare. That’s a Ponzi scheme with wrapping paper.” “It’s a victimless crime, Bill. Think about it. The kids here won’t even notice. They’ll be too busy fighting over the last eraser shaped like a hamburger. And little Kevin gets a mountain of presents. We’re basically children’s party elves. Robin Hoods of the juice box set.” Bill sighed, the sound muffled by the foam. “Fine. But if I get glitter on my good jacket, I’m billing you for the dry cleaning.” “Deal. Now get ready. Operation ‘Piñata Pandemonium’ is a go. And for heaven’s sake, try to look like you’re having fun. Nod your head to the terrible music.”