Run: 2026-02-25-01KJBH684MWTD8FEPXMDVQK8C3

Molly adjusted the balaclava in the rearview mirror. Bill counted plastic swords on the seat. “You realize this is morally gray, right?” Molly asked. “Gray is a spectrum, Mol. We’re more like charcoal.” “Charcoal? That’s not a color.” “It is in the criminal underworld. Look, the parents bought these things with tax-free money. We’re just redistributing wealth.” “To whom? Us?” “To the resale market. It’s a service. Think of us as gift logistics.” Bill tossed a sword. It clattered against a crate of glow sticks. “What about the kids? They’re innocent.” “They’ll get new ones next Christmas. It’s a cycle. A gift economy.” “That’s terrible.” “It’s efficient. Now, the plan. I go in as a clown. You go in as a magician.” “I hate magicians. They’re liars.” “Exactly. You’re perfect. I’ll juggle the security system while you make the gifts disappear.” “I can’t juggle.” “You can juggle stress balls. That counts. What’s the exit strategy?” “Back door. Through the kitchen. The mom is making punch.” “Punch is a distraction. Alcohol in the system, parents get woozy.” “There’s no alcohol. It’s apple juice.” “Then we’re doomed. Sugar rush means they’re hyper. Hyper kids are like ninja security guards.” Molly sighed. “We need a distraction. Something big.” “I brought a piñata.” “You brought a piñata?” “It’s full of fireworks. We light it, chaos ensues, we grab the loot, we vanish.” “That’s arson.” “It’s a controlled burn. Look, Bill, do you want the cash or not? The presents are worth four grand.” “Four grand in LEGO?” “LEGO is currency. It never depreciates. Unlike stocks. Or dignity.” “Okay. But if a kid cries, I’m leaving. I have a soft spot.” “Fair enough. If a kid cries, I’ll distract them with a balloon animal.” “You can’t blow up balloons.” “I can fake it. Just look sad and hold the rubber. They’ll think it’s art.” Bill nodded slowly. He picked up a red sword. “One last thing. No stealing the cake.” “Why not? It looks delicious.” “It’s sticky. Ruins the van upholstery. I just had it detailed.” “Fine. No cake. Just the toys.” “And the cash under the tree. The envelope.” “Obviously. The envelope is the real prize.” “Do you have the suit?” “Yes. It’s itchy.” “Good. Pain keeps you focused.” “I hate pain.” “Then steal faster.” “What about the Wii?” “Leave it. Too heavy.” “The iPad?” “Pocketable. Take it.” “What about the baby monitor?” “Leave it. We don’t need surveillance.” Molly started the engine. The van rumbled to life. “Ready to be the worst adults ever?” “Born ready. But if a kid asks for my autograph, I’m bailing.” “Noted. Let’s go steal some childhoods.” “What if they have a pet?” “Then we leave the pet. We aren’t monsters.” “What if the dog barks?” “I have treats. Beef jerky.” “That’s bribery.” “It’s diplomacy.” “Fine. But if the dog bites, you’re paying for the vet.” “Deal. Now shut up and drive.” “I’m driving. You’re the clown.” “Right. Clown. Got it.”