Run: 2026-03-25-01KMJ7QRFQJBK2QGX3P696EMEE

“Molly, this is the dumbest plan you’ve ever had. And last week you tried to rob a mime convention.” “It’s not dumb! It’s genius! Who expects thieves at a five-year-old’s birthday party?” “Literally anyone with common sense. Also, clowns. Clowns are watching.” “They’re not real clowns, Bill. They’re underpaid college students in face paint.” “And tiny hats. Don’t forget the tiny hats. It’s humiliating.” “We wear the hats, Bill. That’s the disguise.” “You want me to wear a glittery red nose and steal presents from toddlers?” “Not steal. *Relocate*. We’re redistributing joy.” “Joy? There’s a piñata shaped like a unicorn with asthma. That’s not joy, that’s trauma.” “Look, the parents are distracted, the cake’s got enough sugar to power a small country, and the security is a guy named Dave who fell asleep by the juice fountain.” “And the kids?” “They’ll cry for like… twelve minutes. Then someone’ll hand them a sticker and they’ll move on. Kids are resilient.” “What if one of them recognizes me?” “From what? The nightly news? Bill, you once returned a stolen lamp because it didn’t match your couch.” “That was a principled stand!” “Just grab the presents. Stick to the plan. In, out, no eye contact with anyone under four feet tall.” “…Do I at least get to keep the goody bag?” “No.” “But it’s got *crayons*.” “Focus, Bill. Focus.”