Run: 2026-05-01-01KQHSXCV58BA8ZJADXW0G6J5S

Molly clutched a half-eaten balloon animal like it was a map to El Dorado. “Bill, I’m telling you, the clown is the weak link. One good squirt of seltzer in his pants and he’s done. We grab the gift table in the chaos.” Bill peeked through the hedge at the bouncy castle currently throbbing with sugar-crazed six-year-olds. “Mol, we’re not waterboarding Ronald McDonald at a toddler’s birthday party. That’s how you get on a list. We go in as the replacement entertainers. I’m Professor Balloonbeard, world-famous pirate of parties. You’re my lovely assistant, Mistress Snickerdoodle.” “Snickerdoodle is a cookie, you walnut. I’m not being named after baked goods.” Molly adjusted her fake mustache, which immediately slid into her mouth. “Fine. But I’m doing the sleight-of-hand magic. Last time you palmed a deck of cards you dropped them into the punch bowl and started a mosh pit of angry moms.” “That was character-building,” Bill muttered. “Look, we roll up at three-fifteen, right after cake but before the sugar crash. You distract with card tricks. I liberate the presents. There’s a piñata shaped like a dinosaur. We use that as the getaway vehicle.” Molly stared at him. “You want to ride a cardboard T-Rex down Maple Street with thirty wrapped boxes duct-taped to its back?” “Roller skates underneath. I’ve thought this through.” “You’ve thought this through the way a raccoon thinks through garbage day. What about the parents? They’re not exactly blind.” “Parents at these things are zombies. One sip of lukewarm coffee and they enter a catatonic state. We’ll be ghosts. Stealthy, hilarious ghosts.” Molly sighed, rubbing her temples. “Bill, this is a new low. We used to steal diamonds from billionaires. Now we’re plotting to swipe a plastic tea set and whatever hideous Roblox merchandise the birthday boy got. I feel like I should be wearing a tiny hat and a sign that says ‘Will Steal for Juice Boxes.’” “Hey, that Roblox crap sells for bank on the dark web. Plus there’s a limited-edition Lightsaber bubble wand in there. I saw the registry. We fence that bad boy and we eat steak for a month.” “Or we could, I don’t know, get real jobs.” “Real jobs are for people without imagination. Now shut up and help me rehearse my entrance. Arr matey, I be here to swab yer deck—with fun!” Molly watched him strike a ridiculous pirate pose, plastic sword already in hand. Against her better judgment, a grin cracked through the mustache. “If we get caught, I’m selling you out faster than a five-year-old sells out his friends for extra cake.” “Fair,” Bill said, offering her a high-five. “Snickerdoodle.” “I will murder you in your sleep.” “Love you too. Now let’s go ruin a childhood so we can afford rent.”