Run: 2026-07-09-01KX405S9M8BKDMXR4NXK77R87

“Bill, stop wearing the pirate hat.” “It’s reconnaissance.” “It has a plastic parrot glued to it.” “Children trust pirates.” “Children fear pirates.” “Exactly. Fear creates space around the present table.” “We are not frightening six-year-olds.” “We’re borrowing their gifts.” “We’re stealing their gifts.” “Temporarily relocating them to people who appreciate remote-control dinosaurs.” “You said we needed money.” “Collectors pay handsomely for limited-edition unicorn slippers.” “Those are probably from a supermarket.” “Then we’ll sell them to a supermarket collector.” “Molly, focus. The party starts at two. The clown arrives at two-fifteen.” “Perfect. You distract the clown.” “How?” “Challenge him to a balloon duel.” “I don’t know balloon dueling.” “Neither does he. Confidence is half the sword.” “Balloon sword.” “Details. While you duel, I enter through the garden.” “The garden gate squeaks.” “I brought oil.” “You brought cooking oil.” “It’s olive. Very stealthy.” “Olives aren’t stealthy.” “Tell that to a martini.” “What about the parents?” “Most will be trapped discussing mortgages near the cheese cubes.” “And the birthday child?” “Occupied smashing a papier-mâché donkey with a stick.” “That sounds dangerous.” “For the donkey, yes.” “We need bags.” “I brought pillowcases.” “With cartoon puppies?” “Camouflage.” “Against whom?” “Against suspicion. Nobody suspects a puppy.” “Bill, everyone suspects the man in a pirate hat carrying puppy pillowcases.” “Fine. I’ll wear the princess crown instead.” “No.” “Cowboy hat?” “No.” “Then I go hatless, but emotionally pirate.” “Good. And Bill?” “Yes?” “Try not to steal the children’s coats.” “No promises.”