Run: 2026-07-09-01KX40YTNJF2K15XEXM1HSWBRZ

“Molly, the birthday boy is six, not Fort Knox.” “Six-year-olds have surveillance instincts. They notice everything, especially balloons moving against the wind.” “We enter through the garden gate, wearing clown shoes.” “Bill, clown shoes squeak.” “Exactly. Everyone expects squeaks from clowns.” “Everyone also expects clowns to make animals from balloons, not empty the gift table into a wheelbarrow.” “That is why you handle distractions.” “What distraction?” “Tell them a tragic story about a unicorn with tax problems.” “Children hate taxes.” “Adults hate taxes. Children hate unicorn tragedy. Tears, confusion, juice-box stampede.” “And during the stampede?” “I liberate the presents.” “How do we transport twenty-seven parcels?” “Santa sacks.” “In July?” “Off-season Santa. Very believable.” “What about the parents?” “Your fake moustache.” “My moustache is not a plan.” “It is terrifying. It makes you look like a disappointed geography teacher.” “Fine. What if the birthday boy recognizes us?” “He won’t. We’ll use aliases.” “What aliases?” “Captain Sprinkles and Doctor Balloon.” “I refuse to be Doctor Balloon.” “Then be Captain Sprinkles.” “That sounds worse.” “Bill, focus. At three o’clock, we strike.” “Three o’clock is cake.” “Perfect. Frosting obscures fingerprints.” “And if we get caught?” “We say we’re collecting donations for orphaned piñatas.” “Perfect.”