Run: 2026-09-01-01M1ENBMDM73SEG9M0VWEA2PM3

Molly and Bill hunched over the stained table in their cramped apartment, a napkin sketch of the rec hall between them. "This kids' party is gold, Bill. Presents stacked like a Christmas tree, zero cameras, just sugar-high brats and parents filming everything except the gift table." "Stealing from children, Molly? That's a new low even for us. We'll be chased by soccer moms with strollers as weapons." "Relax. We roll in as the extra pizza crew. I already snagged two greasy uniforms from the dumpster behind Luigi's. You carry the boxes, I flash a fake invoice, we blend until the magician starts his act." "I hate clowns and I hate magicians. What if the real pizza guys show up?" "We tell them the parents double-booked. Confusion is free cover. While everyone's watching some guy pull a rabbit from a hat, we slide the wrapped loot into empty pizza boxes and walk out the kitchen door." "Pizza boxes? Those gifts are bulky. Tricycles, giant stuffed unicorns. We'll look like we're smuggling a zoo." "We take only the small expensive stuff. Tablets, gift cards, that fancy drone I saw on the registry. Leave the coloring books. We're not monsters." "Registry? You actually looked it up? That's dedication to being terrible." "Research, Bill. The party's at two. We arrive 1:40, park the van by the loading dock, claim we're restocking napkins. Ten minutes of chaos during musical chairs and we're ghosts." "Musical chairs? Kids will notice missing presents faster than they notice a missing chair." "That's why you 'accidentally' knock over the punch bowl. Bright red stain, screaming, everyone running for paper towels. I scoop and dash." "I'm not ruining some kid's birthday for punch. That's extra cruel." "Fine, you fake a call about a gas leak. Everyone evacuates, we stay behind 'to help' and load the van." "A gas leak at a children's party? The fire department will come. We'll be on the news as the world's dumbest villains." "Better than jail. Look, the haul could be two grand easy. We pawn it, split, and never mention this again." "Two grand of stolen childhood memories. Great retirement fund." "Think of it as redistributing wealth from spoiled kids to deserving thieves. Besides, half those presents are from relatives who didn't even show up." "Still feels like kicking puppies." "Puppies don't have iPads. Now practice your pizza-guy walk. Shoulders slumped, bored expression, like you hate your job." "I do hate this job." "Perfect. You'll nail it. We go tomorrow. In and out, no fingerprints, no witnesses who aren't four years old." "If a four-year-old IDs us, I'm blaming you forever." "Deal. Now help me glue this fake mustache. We're legends after this, Bill. Comedic legends." They both knew the plan was Swiss cheese, but the beer was cold and the sketch looked almost professional under the flickering bulb.