Run: 2026-09-03-01M1KRVTV2NNKNQH8GNJ61KVBK

The kitchen table was covered in crayon drawings, a half-eaten box of donut holes, and a very serious blueprint of a three-year-old's birthday party. Molly had taped a flyer to the fridge with a pink glitter photo of a castle and the words Timmy's Big 5 in capital letters. She was wearing a black turtleneck and a name tag that said Hi I'm a Superhero. Bill was sitting cross-legged on a chair with a plate balanced on his knees and a plastic dinosaur in his teeth. He squinted at the flyer like it might bite him. Molly said we are going in through the back gate at six thirty, right when the piñata gets hit and everyone screams and throws sugar. Bill said six thirty is when the parents are distracted by cake and the kids are distracted by not getting hit by the piñata. That sounds perfect if we can get past Mrs. Henderson. Molly said Mrs. Henderson is forty-two, runs a yoga studio, and is currently chasing toddlers with a wet wipe. She won't see us if we wear the costumes. Bill said costumes. You mean the ones you stole from the thrift store clearance. Molly said I mean the exact correct costumes. You are going as a party clown. I am going as a balloon animal. Bill said I am not going as a party clown. I am allergic to greasepaint and I look ridiculous in red noses. Molly said you look ridiculous in everything, that's why it works. Kids trust ridiculous. The plan is simple. We arrive as entertainers, we get inside, we wait for the presents to be opened, and we swap them. Bill said swap them with what. Molly said with the identical presents we brought. I bought twelve plastic trucks and eight dolls on Amazon. Same brand, same color. The parents will be too drunk on punch to notice until Monday. Bill said and then what, we run out the back with a car full of plastic trucks. Molly said no, we run out the back with a car full of actual presents. The real ones go in the trunk, the fakes go under the tree. Timmy gets a truck either way and we get a truck full of money. Bill said it's a heist, Molly, not a swap meet. Do we at least get a getaway driver. Molly said the getaway driver is you because you have a van and a parking spot. Also you owe me after the aquarium job. Bill said that was one time and the fish were free. Molly said the fish were not free. The security guard was free, which was worse. Listen, Bill, this is clean. No alarms, no cameras, just screaming children and bad pizza. Bill said what about the dog. Molly said what dog. Bill said the flyer says Beware of the Barking Beast. There's a golden retriever named Barksalot that lives there. Molly said then you get to be the clown who gets licked to death. It's method acting. Bill sighed and pushed the plate aside. He picked up the dinosaur and put it on the blueprint. Bill said fine, but if Barksalot eats my face I'm blaming you and I'm writing it in my memoir. Molly said your memoir is currently three pages long and all about the time you tried to steal a wedding cake. Bill said it was a very good cake. Molly grinned and tapped the gate on the flyer with a red pen. Molly said six thirty, clown. Bring the nose.