Run: 2026-10-07-01M4ATXAE9H0B10DPB832J98Y3

Molly adjusted her Santa hat, the jingle bell on the tip tinkling ominously. Bill scowled at it. You look like a deranged mall elf. And you look like a man who just realized he’s allergic to fun, Molly shot back, fluffing the cotton ball beard glued to her chin. We’re blending in, remember? Parents see a couple of clowns, they assume we’re hired help. Clowns? Bill tugged at his oversized bowtie. I look like a rejected Ringling Bros. audition tape. Better than looking like a guy who’s about to rob a five-year-old’s birthday, Molly said, checking her watch. Ten minutes till cake. That’s our window. Kids’ll be too sugar-drunk to notice us swapping the gift table for a decoy. And if they do? Bill muttered, shifting the oversized sack on his shoulder. You ever tried explaining to a room full of toddlers why you’re making off with their LEGO sets? We’ll say we’re the Tooth Fairy’s less ethical cousins, Molly said, grinning. Now stop whining and hand me that glitter bomb. Distraction’s key. Glitter bomb? Bill stared at the small, suspiciously sparkly device in her hand. You’re not actually— Too late. Molly lobbed it toward the bounce house. A poof of gold confetti exploded, sending a dozen shrieking children into a frenzy. Perfect. Now move. Bill groaned but followed her toward the present table, his shoes squeaking on the linoleum. This is the lowest point of my career, he muttered. Stealing from babies. They’re not babies, Molly said, shoving a wrapped box into her sack. They’re future tax evaders. We’re just giving them a head start. Bill snatched a stuffed unicorn and froze. This one’s got my niece’s name on it. Molly rolled her eyes. Sentimental now? Fine, leave it. But if we get caught because you couldn’t bear to orphan a plush horse, I’m throwing you under the bus. The bus is already on fire, Bill said, but he set the unicorn down. What’s the exit strategy? Same as always. Molly nodded toward the back door. Fire alarm, smoke, chaos. Classic. And if the parents panic? Then we panic louder, Molly said, tossing another gift into the sack. Now help me with this piñata. It’s full of candy, which means it’s basically cash. Bill sighed, hoisting the donkey-shaped piñata onto his shoulder. You realize we’re going to hell for this, right? Nah, Molly said, winking. We’re just early for the after-party.