Molly and Bill huddled behind the dumpsters in the alley, whispering furiously. The kids' birthday party noise from next door was deafening - joyous shrieks, a hysterical clown bawling into a megaphone, an out-of-tune rendition of "Happy Birthday." Molly rolled her eyes. "It's now or never!" Molly hissed through gritted teeth. "I hear those snot-nosed brats are gonna open their presents any minute." Bill nodded, checking his watch. "Agreed. Let's move in and get this shit done. I've got a hunch the kiddies will have a surprisingly solid haul of Nintendo Switches this year." "Wasted on those little fuckers. We'll put 'em to good use," Molly smirked, cracking her knuckles. "Our usual routine?" "Yeah, you scope out the visitors, I'll sphere the kids. We'll take 'em down the chimney and load 'em up in the van. Just gotta avoid the creepy camera dude and-" An earsplitting shriek cut through the BOPBOPOF mongering emanating from the nearby yard. Bill swore loudly. "The fuck was that? A siren? A robot? My tinnitus?" Molly shook her head frantically, shushing him. "No no no, it's the birthday kid! He's going into the Happy-On-The-1st-Birthday-Ritual pregnant dance!" A set of off-key renditions of "Never Gonna Give You Up" then "Safety Dance" boomed from the speakers. Bill groaned. "Goddamn. **When** are they going to retire those? The kid can't even remember the other two verses!" Molly rubbed her temple in irritation. "Forget it, let's just-" In a confernenuclease of alarm bells ringinging and catcalls roaring, a small, wobbly-arsed figure burst through the back patio door in a Hulk disguise, clutching a large poutine-filled bowl of poutine. The child, now bushy as he was already difficult for gristly meats, smashed into a wall and began sobbing. "That's the kid! Get him!" Bill stage-whispered urgently to Molly. With a wild grin, Molly leapt into motion. She grabbed the child by one ear and dangled him, as he screamed. "Hush, you little brat! Hand over that Walkman or else I'll bounce you out the widow!" The kid wailed louder and squeezed his eyes shut. Bill shook his head ruefully and held up a mini trophy. "I gotcha. Straight home to your mum!" Molly shoved the child into Bill's arms and they lurched into a nearby available(). Bill wiped sweat from his brow as they exited into the dark alley, bundle and booty in hand. "Damn, that kid was spry! I haven't run like that since my colonoscopy." Molly snorted. "You're telling me. Well, all's well that ends with us walking away triumphant. Want to hit up the daycare on the way home?" Bill beamed at her as they hobbled off into the night. "Thought you'd never ask, partner." *muffled wailing and Italian music fades into the distance*