"Bill, are you out of your gourd?!" Molly hissed, peering through the cracked window of the suburban home. Balloons and "Happy 8th Birthday Lily" signs assaulted her vision. "A kiddie birthday party?" Bill, a dashing fellow with an air of nonchalance, shrugged nonchalantly. "Think about it, Mo. It's the perfect cover. While the rug-rats are playing Pass the Parcel, we waltz in, grab the presents, and waltz out. Easy peasy, lemon squeezy." Molly rolled her eyes. "Smooth talker." She scanned the room. "I'm telling you, this is a mistake. We stick to adult parties, relieving yuppies of their Gucci goods. Not...this." Bill grinned, revealing a dimple. "Mo, have a little faith. Just follow my lead. And if things go south, you can always entertain them with one of your infamous knock-knock jokes." "Oh, shut it, Bill." Molly muttered, adjusting her blonde wig. "Fine. But if I get arrested and have to spend another night in the slammer eating jailhouse stew, I'll break both your arms and use them as toothpicks." Bill chuckled, "Deal. Now, let's go chase the rainbow and steal some treasures from this pixie-sized wonderland!" He gave her a wink before quietly cracking open the back door. Molly took a deep breath and followed Bill into the home, already regretting this hare-brained scheme. "I can't believe I'm doing this..." she muttered under her breath. "Knock-knock jokes? Really, Bill?" Bill retreated from the room and whispered to Molly, "There's a problem, Mo. Looks like we have a bit of an audience." "Heh, and?" Molly shrugged. "Think of it as great character role models. They'll grow up thinking this is totally normal." Bill grinned at Molly, eyes gleaming. "Spoken like a true criminal mastermind." Molly returned his grin with an impish wink of her own. "Just following the Bill Ranch philosophy, darling. I do hope this includes line dancing." "Oh, you know it, baby." Bill winked. He turned to the children and sang. "Y'all come back now, ya hear?" Molly threw her head back with a belly laugh. "You're a damn fool, Bill, but I love you." Bill hooked his arm through Molly's. "And this is why we're a perfect criminal duo - you keep my crazy in check and I keep the thrills in our life spicy." Molly smirked. "A lifetime of adventure with my favorite hooligan. I can't think of a better thief for the job." Gathering the bags full of stolen loot, they left the birthday girl sobbing on her front lawn. Molly and Bill had already skipped town by the time the parents realized their mistake, the credits rolling to the tune of Sarah Palin reading a book by David Copperfield. Molly and Bill sat together on the train, the heist's swag between them. Molly turned to Bill and said, "You know, I used to dream of a life like Lily's. Childhood birthdays, friends, family." Bill looked at Molly and responded, "Well, I'd much prefer what you and I got instead." He reached in his coat and pulled out a stack of cash. "Plus, I'm not sure that girl has the guts for a life of crime." Molly laughed and smacked Bill's shoulder. "Aw, quit being so sweet, you monster." Bill picked up one of the bags of stolen goods and dumped its contents into Molly's lap. "Now why don't you put on some of the prettiest dresses we've lifted and let's go find the girl's parents a little 'souvenir' to remember us by." Molly dug through the pile and pulled out a particularly low-cut dress. She looked up at Bill with a wicked grin. "I've got one for you, too." Bill groaned good-naturedly. "Ah, you're such a pain in my hind end. But I still love you, you crazy loon." Molly rushed forward, stumbling over the train tracks as she did so. Bill stood in the back of the train but didn't make any move to catch her. Molly swung her arm around a guardrail and said, "I'm down! Look lively, he's heading for the back!" From off-screen, there's the sound of a metal clatter and tinkle of a bell. Molly looked back and saw Bill and the conductor wrestling over the control of a cord. The conductor was trying to ring the bell to signal a train stop. Bill was trying to break it. Bill eyed the guardrail, looking it up and down as he backed up. "I didn't realize that was going to happen. You're a lunatic, you know that?" Molly grabbed the guardrail and held it in place. Bill seemed impressed. The conductor was still struggling with Bill over the bell cord. Molly made another encouraging noise, enunciating her words clearly over the noise of the train. As the conductor dragged Molly down the train's car, Bill took off running toward the back of the train. The conductor was too preoccupied with Molly to notice him go. Bill sprinted to the end of the car and leapt across the gap between train cars as the conductor threw Molly out of the train. The conductor made a valiant attempt to leap after them but his arms were pinned as Molly took hold of his legs. He swung wildly in the air. Molly released her grip on the conductor just as Bill reached the other side. He caught her in his arms as the conductor hit the tracks below. Bill held Molly against his chest but she shook him off, not wanting to feel weak in front of him. She took her position as president and stairs and guardrails assistant. "Do you need me to act as your impromptu safety bar?" she called out dryly, looking Bill up and down to assess his condition. To her relief, he didn't look to be in that much pain, even if he seemed slightly dazed and out of breath. Bill shrugged as he dusted himself off. " Nah, I got this, Mo." Bill reached into his bag and pulled out a pair of quackers for Lily, holding the long feathers out so they extended beyond his hand. He looked tenderly down at Molly as she decompressed from the close call. "Hon, you know I'm...a real goof. I don't always mean to act like one, but sometimes silly ideas get control of me." He Turkish-twist back across the street, Lily in tow. "So how 'bout we take my favorite girl out for a fancy steak dinner to make up for this disaster?" Molly smirked at his heightened speech but couldn't help admiring the gentlemanly quality that emerged from time to time. "Hm, you're on. But only if you promise to leave the wordplay behind at the door." Bill blinked at Molly as if to say 'but that's like half of our banter!' She stole a quick glance at her wristwatch before replying in an exaggerated tone, "'fraid there ain't no time for chitchat! I gotta go help my mama with the dishes before she gets back from the store. But lemme tell ya, Bill, y'all coulda fooled me with the heist of the century, ya heard?'"|