Molly adjusted her giant pink teddy bear mask, squinting through the eyeholes. "Bill, you better not blow this. I've worn this goddamn thing for two hours already." Bill, dressed as a flamboyant, oversized clown, jiggled his oversize shoes. "Relax, honey. The kid invites 'Bumo the Clown' every year. They'll never know it ain't me." "I just hope the kid himself doesn't recognize you," Molly muttered, adjusting her own ungainly disguise. "Last time, you almost suffocated little Johnny with a whoopee cushion." "Ah, a misunderstanding," Bill said with a wave of his giant plastics gloves. "C'mon, time to party!" The clown and teddy bear approached the colorful house, music and laughter already spilling out into the street. Bill rang the doorbell, jiggling his toes. After a few minutes, the door creaked open, revealing a wide-eyed young girl, her smile spreading behind a frosting-smeared mouth. "Bumo!" The clown scooped her into a plastic embrace, booping her nose. "Hello, my little confectionery queen! Bumo is here to make your day magical!" Molly stepped in awkwardly, her head bobbing, the stupid teddy bear snout muffling her voice. "Heya, kiddo!" The girl looked up at the colorful intruder, brows furrowing. "Um... Bumo, is that your friend, Mr. Snugglepaws?" Bill froze mid-jiggle. Shit. He dragged the kids away from the door. "Hehe, yeah, lady. Snugglepaws just loves showin' kids a good time!" Molly huffed behind her furry forehead. Classic Bill, messing up the intro. They needed to get this show on the road. She'd left her beat-up Chevy splice van running out front, the engine coughing smoke. Chances were, half the presents would be melted by the time they got away. Bill gave the girl a massive bear hug, squishing her. "Hey, where's all the cool presents at, princess?" She pointed a sticky finger down the hall. "In the living room, silly!" Bill jiggled down, holding her hand, Molly waddling behind. In the room, the presents were piled high, colorful packages shining like the goddamned Emerald City. Bill licked his lips, all thoughts of the melting van fleeing his mind. He plopped the girl down, booping her again, and charged for the goodies. Molly followed, the two hunkering down under the pile, tearing into the packages. Stuffed animals, video games, expensive-ass electronics... this kid had it all. Meanwhile, the little girl, sick of being booped, scurried out of the room. Bill and Molly were too busy stuffing their pockets to notice. Molly upended a giant teddy bear, shoving wads of cash into its red plush butt. Bill strapped an Xbox to his plastic crotch, grunting with exertion. The kid returned, along with her screaming parents. "BUMO'S ROBBING US!" the girl shouted. Bill froze, caught red-handed. Or rather, white-gloved. Time for his emergency exit. He grabbed Molly's fluffed hand, yanked her through a conveniently located window, glass flying everywhere. They rolled onto the grass, Molly cussing a blue streak. Bill just kept jiggling. "Get in the van, lady! Our fat is in the fire!" He gave her plump teddy ass a boost. Molly scrambled into the passenger seat, Bill screeching out of the driveway in a squeal of tires. The engine responded with a tortured groan, but somehow, it kept them rolling. "Well, that was a shitshow," Molly said, peeling off her soaking teddy bear head. "Asshole kid kept squirming. Could have used a useful clown trick, like Bumo Tickle." Bill shook his head, plastic hair whipping. "I ain't complainin'. We got the goods! Time to ditch this shit before the Fuzz gets wise." The thieves clanked down surfaces streets, their paranoia rising with each traffic mirror. But somehow, they made it to the coast, stealing away in a motorboat powered by a small Johnson outboard engine (which they ripped off the same day). And that's how Molly and Bill pulled off the biggest children's party heist in California history. The little girl still has nightmares of the booping clown and his stuffed partner in crime. But to Molly and Bill, it was just another fucked up day at the office. Payday.